i
For his first forty days a child
is given dreams of previous lives.
Journeys, winding paths,
a hundred small lessons
and then the past is erased.
Childbirth with Joy
Photo by Kala Bernier
“Joyful” was the first word that came to mind when I was asked to describe my son’s birth. At that time, in 1987, I was a self-proclaimed “west-side woman,” a studious and conservative academic...wary of anything east of Granville Street (don’t laugh.) So, for me to start spouting words such as “joy,” “transformation,” “energy,” or “empowerment” was a major departure from what people expected of me - or of what I expected of myself.
I have to thank an outspoken Scottish woman who sat next to me at a mum’s group in 1983 for pushing me towards a different view of birth. She told me about a new midwifery pilot project at Grace Hospital which cared for 4-6 patients per month. “Well, as long as they’re British-trained nurse-midwives,” I said. That’s my upbringing talking. As the only Canadian-born child in a British family, I held anything “British” as the gold standard. So, that’s why I chose midwifery care. No deep-seated granola philosophy...just a blind trust of anything British. Silly of me - but the result was amazing.
Read more"To sleep/Perchance to dream"
I love the drive from a client’s house to the hospital. I’m following my clients, watching the labouring woman’s hand reach up to the roof of the car during each contraction. For me, it’s an in-between time of quiet watchfulness, similar to that “out of time” feeling I remember while feeding a baby in the middle of the night.
Last night, we had a long drive from Surrey to Burnaby General. So, I turned on the radio to CBC Ideas and heard an amazing piece by Jeff Warren called "While You Were Out" about the changes in sleep patterns over the last three hundred years.
Read more“Come out of the circle of time/And into the circle of love” - Rumi
Photo by uditha wickramanayaka
In the past, it was the partner’s job, as coach, to time each contraction with a stopwatch. I still have my old list of “...8:27...8:39...8:45...8:54...”from my first labour in 1983. The fixation on time has continued. Now there’s even a program that you can download to your Blackberry which will graph your contractions!
In contrast, I encourage my clients to let go of actively timing contractions at the beginning of the labour process. I think timing contractions is almost too simplistic a gauge of how labour is progressing. It makes you focus on an external reality and lose touch with your inner rhythm, your inner knowledge. It can also make you fixate on how long things have been continuing which, in turn, can lead to frustration or impatience.
Read moreHelping mothers open the door to life
Journalism students at Langara College produced eight weekly issues of The Voice newspaper. As a final test of endurance the pressure was ramped up and in the ninth week they produced four daily newspapers. Adam Johnson's submission made the top story in "The Best of the Dailies!"
“A 65-year-old midwife held my foot and she didn't move. Then she would look up and she'd smile. And I thought, obviously things are okay.”
“I just said, I need to do this.”
The deep kindness in her eyes grows determined as Jacquie Munro, 45, describes the day she found her calling. She was inspired by her second birth to share this positive experience with others. That was 18 years ago.
Read moreOn Memories
"So much of our early gladness vanishes utterly from our memory: we can never recall the joy with which we laid our heads on our mother's bosom or rode on our father's back in childhood; doubtless that joy is wrought up into our nature, as the sunlight of long-past mornings is wrought up in the soft mellowness of the apricot; but it is gone for ever from our imagination, and we can only believe in the joy of childhood."
George Eliot, Adam Bede
Conscientious parenting begins before our children are born. Writing a pregnancy and birth journal can help to create wonderful memories for our babies. My own children loved it when I read my journals aloud at bedtime.
Read moreDawn Streetlamps
there is something beautiful
about the sight of three midwives standing outside
at dawn
under the halo of streetlamps
sifting through the night's events
a neighbour leans out of a doorway
Have they had the baby yet?
Yes!
Is it a girl?
We can't tell you!
laughter as they drive away
the tires shushing on wet roads
"Take no advice...follow your own instincts...use your own reason, to come to your own conclusions" - Virginia Woolf
photo by Jill G
This week is shaping up to be “postpartum visit week.” Lots of wee boys (and their tired mums) to visit. I’ve also heard from clients whose babies range in age from three to eight months. We’ve discussed everything from sleep deprivation to “what the poo should look like.”
The major issue this week isn’t (thankfully) breast-feeding. Pretty much everyone is doing well and producing abundant quantities of breast milk. One client is even donating her extra milk to the Children’s Hospital Milk Bank, (604) 875-2345, ext. 7607. Another just phoned to say that, with the help of Renee Hefti-Graham (604-733-6359), her little girl finally latched successfully at six weeks and is doing so well! All the other babies are latching well, gaining weight, sleeping (at times) and peaceful (at times).
What seems to be causing anxiety this week is the overwhelming contradiction between a mother’s instincts and outside influences. Books, family, friends and complete strangers are undermining the mothering instinct for so many of my clients.
Read morefrom "Fontanelles" by Anne Michaels
We bathe our daughter,
a prayer for every part,
as if we were washing her
with song.
Fingers frail as blades of grass.
Her thousands of eggs,
already inside her.
1999
On the necessity of overseas travel
You'll notice, if you've read enough of my blog, that we generally take off to Europe each year. Since I mainly work solo, I am on call 24/7 for most of the year. Even when I'm not attending births, I'm doing prenatal and postpartum visits, tea visits, and fielding calls/text/emails from clients old and new. Even if I have a week without births, I am still on call (I promise to be in town for each client's 38-42 week window), so I can't take off on an impromptu getaway.
So, what's my solution? I book off a 6 week block, most summers, turn my iPhone to Airplane Mode, and hide overseas with my husband (and maybe some family). It's the perfect way to recharge my batteries. Most clients hold on to their questions until I return. Some clients do send me a few non-urgent emails, but they are content to wait a few days for a response. It's all about finding balance. I try to go totally off the grid, but as a solo doula, my work can't really stop 100%.
So, where do we go? Scotland, England, France, Italy, Spain are the main go-to's. Most of my family still lives in the north of England (Cheshire, Derbyshire, Manchester). My husband's family come from the north of Scotland (Berneray and the Isle of Lewis in the Outer Hebrides, as well as Laggan in the Highlands.) We love hiking, cycling, genealogy, history, windswept moors, searching for hidden castles and standing stones. We don't go to many different places on each trip - we take it slow.
This year, it was Scotland. Within 48 hours of arriving home, two new babies had already arrived. They were waiting for me to come home!
One bonnie boy made a dramatic entrance. I had a phone call - "Something came out of me!" She had just gone to the bathroom, her water had broken on the toilet, and one of her baby's legs had slipped out! So, after a fast ambulance ride (I arrived at her home in Ladner at the same time as the paramedics), her baby was safely born at BC Women's hospital. It was a spontaneous vaginal footling breech - with less than 2 hours of labour from start to finish. She hadn't even known that her baby was breech. What a night!
Then another boy arrived less than 12 hours later - almost 9 pounds of him. Another speedy delivery. I think I can now change from Greenwich Mean Time to Pacific Time.
The August 2005 trip to Scotland was the best yet! My son's band won the Juvenile World Pipe Band Championship title, Best Drum Corps, and Best Bass. Our Alex, as lead drummer, went up before 40,000 people to accept the trophy for best drum corps. What an amazing day!
And the views of Stirling from the iron age fort on top of the Dumyat in the Ochil Hills, the sheep, the castles, the ferns and heather...they will be missed. Until next time.
Bountiful Beautiful Blissful
While you're pregnant, I hope you take some time to browse the shelves at Banyen Books. My favorite book of 2005 is "Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful", by Gurmukh. Don't be scared off by thinking it may be too flakey - it's not, and incorporates many of the words and concepts that I use when working with pregnant and labouring women (I even sang "Row, row, row your boat" to myself during my second labour in 1987). When I read Gurmukh's book I feel as if she and I know each other intimately, and have been using each other's phrases for years. So, have a good read!
"Mi muchacha salvaje" My wild girl
Birth is something you know. Can you imagine arriving at the age of 30, and having your body throwing you an entirely new experience - something without a reference point? It’s just not that nasty.
Birthing is a lot like lovemaking...and Buddhist teachings, for that matter. It involves surrender, letting go, release, acceptance, and total trust. It also involves passion and power, which, for some, can be overwhelming. For others, it can be a process of awakening, change and growth.
Read moreSo, what’s the best birth book to read?
In 1982, I was obsessed with everything to do with babies. I ducked into every book store for months before I got pregnant. You’d find me sitting on the floor by the Pregnancy and Childbirth section, surrounded by books. These weren’t “Earth Mother” books. I started with the encyclopedic books, looking for the ones authored by doctors with the most letters behind their names... FRCP, etc. You know, the books which scare you half to death with descriptions of all possible things which can go wrong. Then, I went to the university medical bookstore to look at obstetric textbooks. I even studied an obscure Swiss method of breathing for labour, which I photocopied from the main library. This method left me exhausted, out of breath, and very, very confused. It didn’t help when my husband and I went to prenatal classes and pretty much “failed” breathing. And when the nurses at the hospital asked us what our “birth plan” was, we just said “to have it go well”, and then I asked if I could blow-dry my hair before the obstetrician started my induction. Yikes! Over-prepared with book knowledge....under-prepared with inner knowledge.
Read moreWe are the Doorways of Life
“‘Breathing for a hollow organ’ works well in labour. Breathe in...breathe out. Allow there to be space after the out breath, a time for nothingness, for the hollow organ to be still. Then wait for the body to take in the next breath. Listen to the sound of the breath as it goes in and out...circular, whole.”
This is the centre of labour. The breath is a reminder that there is continuity in all things. There is safety and surety in the breath which goes on and on throughout the wild storm of labour. Even when the labour reaches the point at which it can be called “white lightning”, the breath is constant as ever. And in the quiet times, between contractions, the breath is soft and open.
“Breathe in strength, breathe away the fear. Listen to the sound of the breath...in and out. Each breath takes you closer to the end of a contraction. Then comes a deep breath, down to the ground, and a long slow sigh...which brings quiet and rest.”
Read moreMindful Words
photo by Steve Johnson
Picture a birthing room. A woman is leaning over beside a bed, and the voices around her are saying...
“You look so tired!”
“That baby isn’t very happy.”
”It can’t possibly be time for you to push yet.”
She drops her head, and cries...
The language that we use in the birthing room touches a woman deeply. When in active labour, a woman is so open to suggestion that any negative word can sap her energy and make her want to give up completely. Her negative emotions can then slow down the labour, or cause complications that would never have happened if those words had never been spoken.
Read more